Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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