Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I will pee on everything he values.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
