trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
