woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
