I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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