I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
