Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Randomize
