Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize