Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
