What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i now understand why vodka
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
