I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
