My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize