Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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