So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
