your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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