Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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