do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
it's like iHOP with fire
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
