I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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