My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
