Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize