watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
