Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
