Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I would fuck him just for his dog
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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