I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
