You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
