Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
