After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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