Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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