Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
