I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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