I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Come on in and take your pants off
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