At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I still have a little drunk in my system
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
