i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
