And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
