i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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