I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
