It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
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that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
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I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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