I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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