You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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