When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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