Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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