If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
