It's like a parade of train wrecks.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
