She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Damn victory sex feels great
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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