woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
