i think my tv is drunk
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
