and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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