i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
