That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
