Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just want to make out with him forever
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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