Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
