It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
