I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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