...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
