my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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