He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
