i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
