I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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