i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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