he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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