I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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