wrigley field is MILF paradise
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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