It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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