The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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