Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
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P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
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Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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