i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
